Disillusioned

“apologizing to the other passengers. As if car sickness was a crime.”  page 111, 5th line in 3rd paragraph of The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.

“You the sand I’ve crawled across.” page 111, 5th line in 3rd stanza in Jelly Roll by Kevin Young.

Disillusioned

Apologizing to the other passengers
as if car sickness was a crime.
Commuter train to end of line
end comes everyday.
Nauseating life of dregs,
there and back and there again.
Everyday merry-go-round hell.

Cell phone glued to your ear,
apologies for my stench.
I was you until I burned,
abandoned by the man.
You happy across the aisle,
my respect tossed to winds
abracadabra, like magic dust.

Path of self-worth, weed-whacked,
lost soul like tumble weed.
Arid dunes, grain smothers grain,
insurmountable pile.
My brain is a desert skull.
Bleached-bare eye sockets,
parched blind of caring.

And you sit there like him.
You the sand I’ve crawled across.

desert-1761930_1920

Written for dVerse, the virtual pub for poets. Amaya asks us to bridge the gap: take a book near your bedstand, open it to page 111; copy the 5th sentence/line in the 3rd paragraph. That is the first line of your original poem. Choose a 2nd book and do the same but, this is the last line of your poem. And she admonishes, NO CHEATING! When I saw the  line in The Kite Runner I was ready to pick a different book!  But, no cheating…so Disillusionment is what came out of this prompt.

27 thoughts on “Disillusioned

    • lillian May 14, 2018 / 10:36 am

      Thanks! I really did almost give up with my finger landed on that first line! Glad you enjoyed.

      Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 14, 2018 / 10:37 am

      Thanks as always, for your reading 🙂

      Like

    • lillian May 14, 2018 / 10:37 am

      Thanks Bjorn. I really did almost give up when my finger landed on that first line! Glad you enjoyed.

      Like

  1. Gospel Isosceles May 10, 2018 / 5:37 pm

    It’s funny/sad how several of us wrote about the round and round ad nauseum of the disillusioned life, knowing nothing will ever change. I commend you for your achievement though, in bridging two difficult quotes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • lillian May 14, 2018 / 10:38 am

      Thanks. It was an excellent prompt — and truly challenging with this first line!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Lona Gynt May 14, 2018 / 11:35 am

      I have been thinking about Lillian’s poem and Amaya’s comment for several days. First, I love this poem and my brother has been telling me for years to read “The Kite Runner” so I am moving it up my stack. Lillian I am moved at how you show the bridge for a person when they exercise their “theory of mind” capabilities; how we become aware of how we categorize others and how they in turn may see us. It is especially interesting how your protagonist bridges over to a category they did not think they would inhabit and how that transforms their outlook. But this is in some ways a beautiful transformation, as the protagonist develops the empathy from their horrible experience, they are perhaps coming out of the desert to more awareness which circumscribes the fellow traveler across the aisle.
      Regarding Amaya’s comment on why so many of us wrote about unfulfilled dreams and disillusionment; I have noticed the same thing – my sense is 80% (I have not run the numbers hehe) for this prompt were somewhere in that category. My theory is that either Amaya is really an evil genius who laced a subliminal sneaky prompt into all that stuff about bridges, OR more likely we are all starting to face the cold face of reality after coming down from Jilly’s prompt on embracing wildness 🤔. In either event the first catalyst for action is awareness so maybe our collective reflections are about to shake up the world in some good ways. OK all you butterflies! Rev up those wings! There has been some truly beautiful engaging art this prompt. I am happy and exhausted (and behind in clinic so I better stop typing). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:20 am

        Lona: Thank you for this wonderfully thoughtful response. I truly appreciate you taking the time to think about the piece and the prompt in this way! Many many thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lona Gynt May 15, 2018 / 10:08 am

        This was so much fun!

        Like

  2. jillys2016 May 10, 2018 / 5:45 pm

    Weed-whacked! Extra points for that great word play. A part of what is making this prompt so much fun is in seeing what books each poet chooses and how they blend them. This is gritty and delightfully done!

    Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:22 am

      Glad you enjoyed, Jilly. I’m up early this AM to finish reading from this great prompt….will be out and about in Washington DC a bit later this AM to visit the National Archives – a part of the Smithsonian Museum. Will be stirring to see the original Declaration of Independence and the Emancipation Proclamation, among other meaningful documents of history. Then I’m back to our rental flat (for month of May) to host Poetics today! Busy day with dVerse 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:23 am

      Thanks….well, I didn’t think it was such a great starting line when I first saw it! 🙂 But…no cheating allowed so I used it. Glad you enjoyed.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Janice May 10, 2018 / 10:35 pm

    Lillian these are powerful lines…your poetic use of desert sands and skull bones is very effective…the commuter train dynamics so sad and real.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:24 am

      Thank you, Janice. Those desert sands and skull bone lines were motivated by a visit to a Georgia O’Keefe exhibit a few months ago. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. kim881 May 11, 2018 / 2:15 am

    This has been a truly enlightening prompt, which has given an insight into poets’ bookshelves and given birth to interesting, inspiring and simply lovely poetry. And your is no exception, Lill I love the way you convey the commuter journey as a
    ‘Nauseating life of dregs,
    there and back and there again.
    Everyday merry-go-round hell’
    and the lines:.
    ‘My brain is a desert skull.
    Bleached-bare eye sockets,
    parched blind of caring’.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:25 am

      Thanks, Kim. I agree about the prompt. I’m still catching up with my reading….probably won’t get to the quadrille till Thursday — since I’m hosting Poetics later today. All this in the midst of trying to take advantage of our month in Washington DC. So many free things to see and do!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. sarahsouthwest May 11, 2018 / 4:46 am

    I wasn’t sure how you were going to make it work but you did it amazingly. So much to admire, love the overall tone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:26 am

      Thank you, Sarah. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it work either when I saw that first line! 🙂

      Like

  6. clayandbranches May 11, 2018 / 3:34 pm

    I’m glad you stuck with The Kite Runner–that line took you on quite a journey. And those last two lines… they grabbed me by the throat.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. annell4 May 14, 2018 / 10:37 am

    Great job, a hard prompt for me. I wondered about the image, did you take it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • lillian May 15, 2018 / 7:27 am

      No. It’s a “free image” from Pixabay.com If you’ve not used that site, check it out. Free images to download, no attribution needed. And they have a very large cache of diverse images.
      It was indeed a tricky prompt!

      Like

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