Talk to me not of death and fear
as time stands by and waits for me.
For I must leave you now my dear
these last few steps for me alone.
So as I lie with sleep so near,
harken my dear and you shall hear
celestial song and angels’ wings,
their comfort meant for you they sing.
Let go your hand, let go your tears
and tell me please that I may pass.
Take comfort in our childrens’ care
our love lives on, embodied there.
Written for dVerse, Victoria minding the bar, asking us to write in meter, creating a particular mood. Very new to me — meter = stressed syllables. Trying to achieve meter without sacrificing the sense and flow of the words. I’ll be honest. I find this very taxing and difficult. But — I’m happy with how this turned out, and I think it’s in trochaic tetrameter: 4 stressed syllables in an 8 syllable line. Always learning with dVerse!
lillian the home poet 
I like your poem, Victoria 🙂 letting go…
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Lill here — Victoria is minding the bar. But I’m glad you liked my poem! 🙂
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ooops sorry, Lil. It was late last night, got all mixed up. I still like your poem, cheers 🙂
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I love it… there is something tender in your meter, usually I find tetrameter being too bouncy, hut you manage to avoid that…
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Oh good — worked so hard to get that “roses are red, violets are blue” sing-songy rhythm out. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. So REALLY appreciate your comment here! And I guess it means that it is indeed tetrameter 🙂
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Ah, geez, Lillian. This is a 3-tissue one. How well the tetrameter (perfect) worked to create the sadness of this touching poem that really oozes acceptance. I loved it.
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Thank you! Coming from the meter maid, I’ll take the compliment and run with it!!! 🙂 So glad it finally worked.
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I would have had no idea that this was new and taxing to you! It’s beautiful.
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Oh you are so kind…..truly appreciate your words here! 🙂
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Lillian,
since my folks and Keith’s mom moved close or “closer”;) I find myself thinking about the moment we all contemplate–passing on. this moment, this we do alone regardless of how many family members are present in the room when we take our final breaths –
your words place such delicate beauty on this final life passage
lending courage, offering peace
beautiful and perfect, my friend
am:)
and once again, am I learning the many facets to poetic timing – who knew 😉
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Thank you AM. So love to see your words and connect with you here. So glad you felt the mood of this — thank you thank you thank you.
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I am reading it aloud and I like the cadence Lillian ! The moving part for me was:
Let go your hand, let go your tears
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Thank you so much, Grace. This was a real struggle so very very heartrending to see your words here! 🙂
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Ah, that all our partings should be so poetic!
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“Parting is such sweet sorrow”…..you sound like the bard here! 🙂 Glad you enjoyed.
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Oh! this is such a beautifully poignant write, Lillian ❤
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Thank you thank you thank you, Sanaa. A really hard one to write and rewrite and rewrite again. Your compliment is so very appreciated! Smiling I am. 🙂
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The mood envelopes you deeply and camouflages the meter so well. I think this works so well, Lillian; such beauty in its simplicity!
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Ah Walt, thank you! Smiling I am.
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Oh how beautiful, Lillian. It’s heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.
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Thank you so much. Tipping my morning cup to you…..
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This is beautiful, Lillian. 🙂
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So very glad you enjoyed.
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Your struggle doesn’t show in the poem – beautifully rhythmic, the whole poem flows.
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thank you thank you thank you! I was happy with how it turned out finally. 🙂
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this is touching, beautiful, and heartwarming. 🙂
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Thank you so much, Rose. Truly appreciate your kind words.
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Beautiful and it feels like tetrameter with the brake on – how did you manage to slow it down like that? maybe its the weight of the words!
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Truly, I just counted on my fingers, typed the stressed syllables in bold, and read aloud many times 🙂 So glad you enjoyed it!
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Lillian, I read this last night and nearly lost it. We buried out 92 year old Brooks last week. In the days previous she told us she was done, she was letting go and she did. This was beautifully done and I had to come back and let you know just how well you captured this.
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Oh my…..your words are so heartfelt here. I was beside my mother as she slipped away. I so remember leaning into her ear and telling her it was okay to go….Thank you for your words here.
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Lill, I think this fits the bill quite perfectly, with the meter joining the language in the nature of letting go.
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Thank you. My first attempt at meter — and I read lots about it before I decided to give it a try. So happy I did. That’s the way with dVerse — always learning from the prompts and from the reading too! 🙂
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For a moment I thought I was reading Emily Dickenson 😉 The idea of letting go said by the one passing is poignant, and with your meter, even more so.
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Thank you, Kathy. What a lovely compliment!! Smiling I am.
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I just posted a poem “Steps” that this reminds me of. We both had the same thoughts when writing them. This has a certain sadness to it that conveys hope in that sadness. Wonderful! You did a nice job with the meter.
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Thank you Bekkie. Will have to meander over and read yours later today.
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Thanks Lillian!
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I read your peom 2 days ago and just as I lifted my hands to the keybaord, the phone rang. Finally, I am back to my reading! The real beauty of meter is being able to convey a mood without the reader noticing what the form/meter are. It’s like entering a lovely room and then not remembering the color of the walls, but knowing you loved the room. That is what you did with this marvelous poem, Lillian!
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Thank you, Jilly. Your words are truly appreciated here!
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Really love that last stanza…the reminder that even though the speaker might be gone soon, his (her?) love remains through their children.
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So glad you enjoyed, Bryan.
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