How do people learn to parent?
Do we learn it as we go?
Is it a task with diminishing returns?
We erect loving fences round our infants.
Envelop them in our arms,
nurture them at the breast,
cocoon them in swaddled sleep.
At varying degrees we watch, hover,
interfere or cheer, as they crawl, toddle,
run, stumble, fall and get back up again.
Fences open as we send them to school.
Teachers flick reins with encouragement
to lope, gallop, join the race, keep up the pace.
Soon fences disappear completely.
Children gone more than they’re at home.
Is parenting a conundrum?
Love and attachment grow stronger every day
even as we encourage independence,
even as their days with us are numbered.
Suddenly they’re adults raising their own
as we look on from another place.
We hope the path they walked with us
was well tread, remembered fondly.
We relish our memories
as we wait for their muscle memory
and that thing called familial love
to occasionally nudge them
back into our sphere again.
Written for dVerse, the virtual pub for poets around the globe. Today Punam reminds us that in India, May is a month where there will be art exhibits across many cities. She provides us with several artworks that can motivate an ekphrastic poem, or we can be inspired by one of the following names of some of these art shows:
1. Nothing Twice
2. Chance Remains of Another Time
3. Open Fences
Photo is us with our granddaughter who is now 18! How time flies!
lillian the home poet 
I love that you took your title from one of the exhibition names, Lill, and the opening questions hooked me. A contemplative poem that resonates.
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Thanks, Kim. I knew I wanted to use that show title Open Fences but it took a while to get it going. It seems I’ve been contemplating on aging a bit lately. Tomorrow we’ll be doing a very British thing here in Boston to celebrate my 79th: we’re going to high tea 🙂
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My pleasure, Lill. That’s a lovely way to celebrate your birthday. David is going on the fastest zip wire in Europe – it’s in North Wales – to celebrate his 70th. Mine is in August and we’re visiting my sister on the Isle of Wight.
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Yikes! Are you riding with him on the zip wire? That’ll really be a trip!!! David is a brave soul!!!
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Oh Lill, I was hoping someone would use this title and you wrote such a beautiful, heartfelt verse that resonated deeply. My kids are in college now and will soon fly the coop.
I especially loved these lines, “We hope the path they walked with us
was well tread, remembered fondly.
We relish our memories
as we wait for their muscle memory
and that thing called familial love
to occasionally nudge them
back into our sphere again.”
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So glad you enjoyed! I was enamored immediately with that show/exhibit’s title! 🙂 Oh my….yes…enjoy those visits home from college. It really all goes by so quickly doesn’t it?
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Oh, I love the thought of such fences… children needs to get that independence.
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Thank you, Bjorn! By the way….want you to know I’ve written my poem for Thursday and really had some fun with it! Can’t wait to get your take on it 🙂
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LOVE this poem of the open fences of parenting and the precious photo, Lillian!
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Nice one
“Is parenting a conundrum? “
much love
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Lillian, I’m still learning how to parent, now from my children and grandchildren. Do we ever stop learning? I don’t think so. I loved the last lines. It feels like a gift when our children and grandchildren feel the nudge back into our waiting arms.
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I loved this Lill and the picture! I am not a parent but remember the fence my parents set around my sibs and me and how it opened as each ventured beyond. Is it a task with diminishing returns? I like this question and thought about it for some time but believe it is not. You have the memories.
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Great piece Lillian- parenting isn’t a task to be completed, but a path we hope stays clear enough for them to find their way back🙌
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Excellent write Lillian 👏 I, too, was drawn in by the thought-provoking diminishing returns line.
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Happy birthday Lill!! Much love from the midwest
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Happy Birthday Ill! Much love from the midwest
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What a lovely way to describe the changing pastures of parenting. I especially liked the ending,
“muscle memory
and that thing called familial love
to occasionally nudge them
back into our sphere again.”
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Ahh, yes, you are speaking my language and reading my mail, Lillian. That longing in your close hits the home of my heart. ❤
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Where did all the years go! It is fun to see the next generation of us coming on strong!
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