Lost at Sea

lillian

Her calloused feet didst plod cross ominous ocean shore
while howling winds lashed her face and whipped the gown she wore.
Oblivious waves roiled. Her pleas screamed through salted lips
till sudden chill filled her heart. Head bowed, she hoped no more.

Spirit crushed she sank to sand. Broken shells with cruel tips
rushed into her hands. With closed fists, she squeezed tight, both grips
till blood was drawn. Then dragged herself into heartless sea,
palms stinging, she whispered hoarsely. My blood flows with thee.

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At dVerse, the virtual pub for poets, we are working on Rubaiyats: originally a Persian poem with 4 line stanzas, each line with 13 syllables, rhyme scheme of AABA, BBCB. Jilly is hosting MTB today and asks us to amplify the Rubaiyat with imagery that appeals to the senses. I’ve cheated a bit on this one….my second stanza is BBCC rather than BBCB. As most of my readers know, I struggle with form and rhyming…I’m a free-verse person. But dVerse does challenge us and I learn a lot from the folks here! 

27 thoughts on “Lost at Sea”

  1. jillys2016 February 14, 2019 / 6:46 pm

    Kate Chopin immediately springs to mind as I read this, but with additional time, I see so much of symbolism in the lines. So well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:53 pm

      Thank you, Jilly. I so appreciate your comment. Just getting to reading as our 10 year old granddaughter is living with us this week during her school vacation week. She’s attending a drama workshop so I’m taking her back and forth on public transportation….packing lunches….fun hearing about her “awesome” day during dinner….playing boardgames and looking at old photo albums after supper….singing our routine songs before bed. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Gina February 15, 2019 / 8:03 am

    you aced the challenge Lilian! i am a free verse girl too and these forms are just so appealing though I struggle it is quite satisfying to create. your imagery was gripping, the dry lips and whipping winds, all so tangible

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:54 pm

      Thank you, Gina. Compatriots in free verse are we 🙂 Glad you enjoyed.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. rothpoetry February 15, 2019 / 9:00 am

    I really like the imagery in your poem. The cry of love lost at sea… the painting is wonderful. So many good lines… the salted lips… grips drawing blood….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:55 pm

      Ah….glad you liked the painting image. I really had to hunt for it. Thanks for the very kind words here. Much appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:55 pm

      What a wonderful response to read. Thank you so much!

      Like

      Reply
  7. petrujviljoen February 16, 2019 / 11:55 am

    Reminds strongly of our Ingrid Jonker – a poet who walked into the sea just as you described. Did you draw inspiration from her?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:56 pm

      Am not familiar with that name at all. But now I shall look her up!

      Like

      Reply
  8. robtkistner February 16, 2019 / 8:20 pm

    That was wonderful Lillian, triumphantly tragic in a grecian-like manner. Bold and powerful !

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:57 pm

      Thank you for the kind words here, Rob. Really appreciate them – especially since I really struggle with form and most especially, rhyming.

      Like

      Reply
  9. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) February 17, 2019 / 12:36 pm

    The shipwreck and being lost at sea is so strong with imagery that I also can feel the whole poem is an extended metaphor for being crushed by a lover’s deceit.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:57 pm

      Ah….I’ll take that metaphorical extension! 🙂 Glad you enjoyed.

      Like

      Reply
    • lillian February 21, 2019 / 2:58 pm

      Thank you! So glad you enjoyed.

      Like

      Reply

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