Death rattles nearby
cold winter has stripped trees bare.
Branches jerk in wind
create shadows in our room.
I seek comfort in your arms.
Frank is hosting MTB at dVerse, the virtual pub for poets around the globe. Today, he asks us to write a Japanese death poem which can be in the form of a tanka if we choose. He explains that a Japanese death poem speaks of imminent death but at the same time, extolls the significance of life. A tanka is similar to a haiku, but longer: 5 lines of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables.
lillian the home poet 
The image of those bare branches signals death to me… I looked back to my own jisei I wrote the last time and I had that image too… when you leave it’s a privilege to be with someone.
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I was privileged to be with my mother on her death bed. It was hard….but afterwards I realized she brought me into this world and how very fitting and calming for me to be there as she departed.
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I like the juxtaposition of the noise and movement of cold winter with the warm comfort of a loved one’s arms, Lill, especially the use of shadows to create an eerie image of branches jerking in the wind.
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Thank you, Kim. We have two large trees outside our bedroom window and in the late spring, summer and fall, their leaves impede our view down the street and actually to the Charles River and Cambridge across the river. When the trees are bare, their branches create very eerie shadows on our ceiling….because the city lights in the backdrop illuminate them.
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I love those kinds of shadows!
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I can feel the death rattle in those branches, Lillian and it’s appropriately chilling for the season. I don’t blame you for seeking the comfort in someone else’s arms.
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The last line makes everything else alright. Very beautiful tanka, Lillian.
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How haunting this transition to death is. The rattles, remarkably chilling!
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It’s probably apt that we find tree boughs so comforting when they’re full of summer leaf, but threatening when the leaves have fallen.
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Bare naked trees make me weep, and shadows on the ceiling give me a start. Lovely tanka. I bit off a big chunk and went for the Renga.
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I had to step outside earlier, could hear that death rattle,, Lillian. This poem brought that back clearly. Well done.
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The loss of leaves on a tree–such an apt symbol for dying. Well done, lillian!
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Lovely tanka – and timeless – this could have been Basho in 17th C japan. Particularly liked the ambiguity of the last line – a lover, a partner, wine, sleep, death? Just opens the poem up into the world. Bravo.
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Lovely Lillian, well written!
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haunting, how we would love to die in our partners arms … seldom does that choice arise.
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All good and wrapped up so well in the last two lines; it’s those shadows in the room send us to comforting arms.
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It’s only right that one should seek comfort at that time. Well done, Lillian.
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A very beautiful poem and picture ❤
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I love the metaphors in the the first two lines of your poem. We are like trees stripped bare as we go into the dying season! Well done!
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This is simply stunning Lillian.
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How easily these images make me shiver. Well written, Lillian.
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The starkness of the trees, their rattling, and winter all symbolizing death. So evocative, Lillian.
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Perfect combination of words and picture, Lillian. I like the ambivalence of the last line.
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