She sits slumped,
rot gut whiskey bottle
clutched in hands.
Stitch in side, she aches.
Time blurrs
lost in last nine shots.
Pennies by her feet
tossed by do-good passerby
don’t jar her mind.
Can’t think straight or at all.
Too far gone to live
not quite enough to die.
Written for Tuesday’s Poetics at dVerse, the virtual pub for poets. Jilly is hosting and asks us to take one or two well known adages and significantly change them! Can you find the two I’ve used?
Photo from Pixabay.com Answer Key: Stanza 1 from “A stitch in time saves nine.” and Stanza 2 is from “A penny for your thoughts. ” Explaining further, in case you’re not familiar with having a stitch (pain) in your side: often happens to people when they’re running … or can be a sign of other medical problems too.
lillian the home poet 
Oh my god… how chilling! The last 2 lines are so true for so many. Awesome poem with such vivid description of despair.
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Sometimes I really don’t know where the words come from. Yesterday’s “earth” prompt took me to a place of calm and beauty and todays….to the dark side!
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you foxed me with the 2nd stanza – vividly pieced together with pathos
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Thanks, Laura. Yes….the first stanza came pretty quickly and then somehow that “penny for your thoughts” adage popped into my mind and the poem went to a really dark place.
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The last part really made it for me… I imagine her waiting for an end that is coming… maybe speed it up a bit.
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For some reason, I took the idea of making the adage obscure a bit more literally….and went to the dark side. “A stitch in time saves nine” turned into a stitch in her side and the nine shots of rotgut blurring time…..and “a penny for your thoughts” into her being too far gone to even have her mind jarred by pennies given to her. Ah well………I’ll go with the humor next time.
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I love the way you played around with ‘a stitch in time…’, Lill, But how tragic those lines:
‘Too far gone to live
not quite enough to die’.
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Thanks Kim. Went over to the darker side for some reason….and the two adages became quite twisted!
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Excellent images you included in this portrait! The ‘stitch’ and ‘pennies’ are wonderfully woven in and I also like how you added the figure of speech in ‘can’t thick straight’ – nicely crafted!
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Thanks, Jilly. Went to the dark side with this one……..after reading and chuckling this morning while having my coffee….I’ve LOVED all the cleverness and humor in folks’ takes on this prompt. Ah well….next time I’ll go for the lighter side.
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You rocked the prompt, creating a stalwart tome of darkness that stands on its own; the adages twists are just extra goodies. The homeless, the lost–there seems to be a pandemic these days.
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Thanks, Glenn. For some reason…went to the dark side with this one. Glad you enjoyed and thought it met the prompt. A little obscure for many.
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I like how you unpicked the phrases and wove them into something different. Very satisfying poem.
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Ah, thanks Jane! So appreciate your comment here as I was really feeling I’d missed the mark after reading all the wonderfully clever and humorous takes on it. Glad you enjoyed.
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I don’t think humour was obligatory 🙂
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The last two lines well describe someone in such a situation.
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Yes. Rock-bottom as some say.
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Craftily done! True wordsmithing that avoided the laughs — sometimes that’s best.
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Thanks, Charley. So glad you enjoyed as after reading this morning, I was chuckling at so many and really enjoying and then thinking I’d missed the mark by going so obscure and dark with this one. Glad you enjoyed!
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Obscure and dark is always a viable option! Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.
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Good one…almost burped at the end!
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Glad you enjoyed, Vivian.
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😊
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a “Walk on the wild side…” and what unique twists to those adages you used!
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Yes….really a walk on the sad side. Glad you enjoyed.
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I didn’t spot the adages, and your version made a compelling poem.
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Well….I took the idea of “obscuring” the adages a bit literally and somehow came out with a portrait on the dark side. Glad I put the note at the end!
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That’s the thing with these prompts – never know where they will take us.
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Ooh, ow! That’s a tough one. Great way to pull it into the ending.
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Thanks. Somehow, I went to the dark and more obscure side of the prompt with this one.
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Seems there are far too many people in our world who live in that place between life and death!
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I do agree. Unfortunately, this word portrait can and does fit too many.
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i pictured a lost homeless person feeling so worthless, like the pennies tossed at her. it was quite heart wrenching for me, but you did really so well on the choice of adages here Lilian
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Thank you. Yes….I’m afraid I went to the dark side and took the idea of “obscuring” the adages literally. Glad you enjoyed.
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Well written poem, sad circumstance indeed to be that far more dead than alive. Nice twist on adages…quite obscured for me.
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Yes…..I really went to the dark side and took the idea of “obscuring” the adages very literally. I’m thinking too much so after enjoying my reading this morning and chuckling over my cup of coffee with all the clever takes on this prompt. Ah well…..diversity is good.
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Hey, dark side works for me…I often travel there as well…thought it a good job.
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How touching. The last two lines in particular grabbed me: “Too far gone to live
not quite enough to die.” I found the first adage, but not the second one. Very nicely done. I love how you wove the words of the adages into your poem.
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Yes — second one was perhaps too obscure and changed around. “A penny for your thoughts” and here, in this portrait, folks have tossed pennies at her, but she is too far gone, they do not jar her mind (produce any thoughts) because she is literally too far gone.
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Gabba Gabba Gabba Do of Alcohol
Reducing Inhibitions of Gated Community
Neo Cortex in Frontal Ways
Teaching
us
Self
Fulfilling
Prophecies
of Mechanical
Cognition Machine
Mind FearFull Stagnant
Ever GRoWinG Colder as
Mother Boards without Mother’s
Milk of
Free
Joy
Courage
Kindness Wisdom’s Love
Dancing Singing with no
other Medicine but is
as Alcohol
is
just
a symptom
of the Insanity in a way
of life that’s deader than Live..
other than that Hi Lillian nice to see you with SMiLes
and not a drop of anything but Dance that Sings thE LiGHT oF LoVE FReED..:)
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“a symptom of the Insanity in a way of life that’s deader than life.” Yes. You’ve said it well in your reply! Good to see you here, Katie!
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Thanks for Always
The Warm Welcome
You Bring That
Is Home
For
Anyone..:)
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wow. You’ve brought to life the image of someone who has hit rock bottom. Those last two lines are sad and chilling.
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Yes, and sadly, far too true for far too many.
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Very well crafted. Sad, of course. But I think you’ve captured alcoholism in its homeless phase.
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