That Evil Night

lillian

A winter tale of gusting winds
the might-have-beens
his tale of woe
forsaken beau

She left him ‘neath the midnight moon
collapsed in swoon
his feet like stone
his heart didst moan

Her kiss did curse his soul that night
his monstrous plight
’tis blood he needs
on necks he feeds

fear-653629_1920Written for dVerse, the virtual pub for poets.  Today Frank asks us to write a Minute Poem. Another poetic sudoku!  Entire poem contains three 4-line stanzas and a total of 60 syllables. Each stanza must have 20 syllables and a syllabic structure/ rhyme scheme arranged in this manner:
Stanza One: line 1 = 8 syllables, end rhyme word A; line 2= 4 syllables, A again; line 3 = 4 syllables, end rhyme word B; line 4 = 4 syllables, B again.
Stanza Two: identical to above EXCEPT rhyme scheme is CCDD.
Stanza Three: identical to above EXCEPT rhyme scheme is EEFF.
And to throw in one more constraint for good “measure” — it should be in iambic meter
which is short, long accent; short long accent; etc.
And of course, the challenge is to have the sense of the poem outshine the form!

47 thoughts on “That Evil Night”

  3. Adda July 20, 2017 / 1:07 pm

    Kudos!! This had be such a challenge with all the stipulations for the poem! Awesome poem! 🙂

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    • lillian July 20, 2017 / 1:18 pm

      Thank you, Adda. It’s called rewrite, rewrite, count, look up rhymes, count, read aloud for beats etc. Glad you enjoyed!

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  4. Jane Dougherty July 20, 2017 / 3:06 pm

    It’s a form that doesn’t suit every subject. It always strikes me as being not quite serious. Your poem nails it. Nice one!

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  5. kim881 July 20, 2017 / 3:13 pm

    Wow, Lillian, I love a chilling vampire tale, and to squeeze it into this form is indeed a feat! The first two lines are fab:
    ‘A winter tale of gusting winds
    the might-have-beens’.

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:10 pm

      Somehow this vampire thing was just birthed by my pen with this form. Glad you enjoyed.

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  6. nosaintaugustine July 20, 2017 / 3:19 pm

    I enjoyed the flipping of the expected roles here, where he becomes cursed and is left swooning. Makes me wonder who he kissed- Medusa? Nicely done!

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  7. Grace July 20, 2017 / 3:26 pm

    Dark and chilling tale Lillian ~ You set the tone and mood from the first opening line ~

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  8. Glenn Buttkus July 20, 2017 / 3:27 pm

    Gosh–gush, I love this. Vamp poetics are aways fun. You aced the “difficult” form, and soared with the bats & banshees, I’ve noticed, starting with my own poem, the form creates those short colorful lines, that after blue penciling, seem to write themselves–and the piece feels a bit classical when done.

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:09 pm

      blue penciling indeed………form poems really challenge me and I end up editing the wazoo out of my words to fit the form. Glad you enjoyed this one!

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  9. Frank Hubeny July 20, 2017 / 3:38 pm

    Creepy vampire poem, but with a beautiful, soothing sound. It looks to me like the form was perfect. I liked the rhyme between “winds” and “beens” in the first two lines.

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:08 pm

      Glad you enjoyed, Frank. A very interesting form to work with!

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  11. sarahsouthwest July 20, 2017 / 4:04 pm

    I like the description – poetry sudoku, indeed! I always feel it’s more like a jigsaw disguised as a crossword puzzle. Anyhow, you nailed it, and gave us a big juicy gothic horror show as well.

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:08 pm

      However you describe ’em — I always find “form poems” a challenge. So….glad you enjoyed this one!

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:06 pm

      Short but not so sweet???? 🙂 Just a minute for the creepy!

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  16. Dr. Crystal Howe July 20, 2017 / 9:30 pm

    Now here is a disturbing piece, but a tale well told. Yours was the first minute poem I read because it came in my email. After that I was intrigued. Great work.

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:05 pm

      Glad you took a minute to reply 🙂 Pun intended and reply truly appreciated!

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  17. Just Barry July 20, 2017 / 11:27 pm

    Gave me a chill and a thrill!

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:04 pm

      I’ll take a chill in this hot summer weather! 🙂

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  18. Colin Lee July 21, 2017 / 6:24 am

    One of these days I’ve gotta write about a Chinese vampire in old Mandarin garb. Thanks for the inpiration!

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  19. Bev July 21, 2017 / 9:45 am

    A skillful minute poem, providing shivers along the way!

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:03 pm

      A few shivers in this hot hot weather…..

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  20. Linda Kruschke July 21, 2017 / 3:10 pm

    Your form is perfect, but the sense of the poem definitely outshone the syllable count, rhyme, and meter.

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    • lillian July 25, 2017 / 12:01 pm

      Thank you, Linda. I am always challenged by “form poems” and usually have to spend a long time rewriting and rewriting and rewriting!

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  22. Candy July 22, 2017 / 11:33 am

    Perfect was to use this form – and a spooky tale too

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  23. kaykuala h July 23, 2017 / 7:40 am

    ’tis blood he needs
    on necks he feeds

    A vampire tale where feeding time is at the first opportunity. He was rightly abandoned for that!

    Hank

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