Like our life, a meld of tangles and the beautiful.
Skeins of wool.
Layer upon layer, unwound and wound again, shaped anew
redefined for you.
My arms, for warmth ‘neath heavens above,
reflect our love,
as we stand, dreams shared, taking hold of
us in this sparkling path of moonlight.
We blend together, you and I, like bright
skeins of wool, redefined for you, reflect our love.
An Ovillejo written for dVerse. A Spanish form of verse, ovillejo is a 10 line poem: rhyme scheme aa, bb, ccd, dd and the final 10th line must be lines 2, 4 & 6 verbatim. Lines 2, 4 and 6 are short, remaining lines long. Whew! Like doing a sudoku in poetry!!! Photo Credit: Ula Kapala
lillian the home poet 
Lillian, this is just beautiful, and almost perfect. You just need one more line between “reflect our love” and “in this sparkling path of moonlight.” It should rhyme (or slant rhyme) with “above” and “love.” Otherwise, you are spot on, and I love your use of language, your yarn reference (delightful!) AND your description of poetic sudoku! 😉
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FIXED! Take a gander again please. Thanks for the edit — ugh — it really is like a sudoku for poetry!!!! But, so glad you liked it and I thank you for your positive encouragement that lends to an “I can do it” improvement attitude on my part….rather than simply saying ” well, crap!” 🙂
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You’ve got 11 lines now. 😉
But it’s as easy as just taking one out. Right now you have:
“My arms, for warmth ‘neath heavens above,
reflect our love,
the garment you wear this night
as we stand, dreams shared, taking hold of
us in this sparkling path of moonlight.
We blend together, you and I, like bright
skeins of wool, redefined for you, reflect our love.”
I would just remove “the garment you wear this night.” Then you’ll have:
“My arms, for warmth ‘neath heavens above,
reflect our love,
as we stand, dreams shared, taking hold of
us in this sparkling path of moonlight.
We blend together, you and I, like bright
skeins of wool, redefined for you, reflect our love.”
…and a perfectly beautiful Ovillejo. 🙂
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Grrrrr….that’s what I get for editing after my second glass of wine😳. Thank you!
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The first time I tried to write one of these, I just about threw the whole thing out the window!
Me thinks a glass of wine or two might go quite nicely with the Ovillejo. 🙂
And yours turned out great. So glad you braved this new-to-you form.
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I love the thought of a relationship being “unwound and wound again, shaped anew.”
And I just realized the double meaning in “unwound” and “wound” (to hurt someone, then make it right.” WONDERFUL.
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Love the edited and end result ~ If this is your first one, I am very impressed ~ Admire the title, skeins of wool, blending together…
Thanks for joining us Lillian ~
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Definitely my first one. If I ever write another, I’ll do it in the AM with coffee rather than the PM with wine! 😊 Glad you liked it!
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This is lovely, Lillian!
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Thank you so much! Your read and reply are truly appreciated!
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Thank you so much!
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Oh I love the end result… it’s really a very tricky form, and you weaved (or wound) so much meaning to it… Love that you used the skeins as a metaphor here as well…
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Tricky indeed. So glad you liked it. I am a knitter and when I saw the skeins of yarn on the diverse prompt I decided to use them in the piece.
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Like a Sudoku for sure. I’m glad I wrote one but not sure this will ever be my ‘go to’ form. Yours is just beautiful, not only in how it reads but also in meaning.
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Certainly won’t be my “go to” form either. I’m a free verse, haiku, tanka kind of gal. Loved learning about the habun.
So very nice to receive your reply. Many thanks for the read and your kind words. I’ll be moseying up to the bar to do some reading myself this morning😊
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This reminded me of my grandma. How she used to knit for me and my siblings under the winter sun.
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Oh, such a lovely reply to read this morning. So glad to bring up happy memories.
I’m a knitter and have knit many hats, sweaters, dresses, ponchos and even dolls and finger puppets for my grandchildren. I can assure you, there was lots of love in your grandma’s knitting! 😊
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Aww yeah. Lots of love to you. ❤️
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This is just beautiful! I read it in its final form & am impressed with how you knit all of the words together with such perfection!
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So glad you liked it! First mistake, I’d left out a rhyme…then added one too many lines. Sigh…so was very grateful to De for her patience! I am a knitter from way back so seeing the skeins of yarn on the dVerse explanation of the form resonated with me immediately. The form itself though .. not so much resonating 😊😳. As I’ve said to others – it was like doing a sudoku! Thanks for the read and kind reply.
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Such a sweet & romantic write 🙂
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Glad you liked it!
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this is so lovely! I love the comparison between love and wool and all the ways you play with that image/analogy in the poem 🙂
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Thanks, Melinda. It was truly a labor of love! 🙂
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You’re welcome 🙂 it read like such a labor.
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You wove a beautiful tale with great flow in a form that doesn’t flow at first. Bravo!
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Oh, you have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words! For me, rhyming is very very difficult. I am more of a free verse gal. And then couple that with the demands of this form….so I truly appreciate what you’ve said! Many many thanks – smiling I am.
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Glad I am! 🙂
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Well done, Lillian. A very enjoyable read.
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Thank you! 🙂
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This is simply lovely. And I love that you used the skeins of yarn as a metaphor. Peace, Linda
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Thank you, Linda. So glad you liked it!
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I like the reference to the relationship as skeins of yarn that get wound and unwound. Really has a comfortable and sweet feeling. Also loved your remark that this form is a Sudoku in poetry. Yes, it is!
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So glad you liked it. I really did feel like I was doing a Sudoku puzzle…rhyme scheme, long vs short lines, last line = lines 2 + 4 + 6. Yikes! It was a challenge and I really enjoyed doing it. Thanks for your kind words here.
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I felt the same way. It had my head spinning! You’re welcome.
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This is lovely, and all tied together perfectly with that last line.
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Thank you, Bryan. So glad you like it. Best wishes for an excellent weekend!
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this one is perfect with the form, metaphors, rhyme and depth….
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Ah Sumana…you’ve made my morning! Thank you!
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Knitting bAlls
of human being
different colors
aLike intertWininG
Tapestry QuilTinG
becoMinG now
BlankEt
hUman
LOVE..:)
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Love indeed! 😊
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🙂
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